​Three Things I’ve Changed This Pregnancy

I can’t believe I’m sitting here writing this at thirty-four weeks pregnant with our second child. The past few months have challenged me immensely as my hubby, Mark, & I look to the arrival of this new little bundle of joy. We’ve had some good (and sometimes not so fun) talks along the way about what we can do to be “better prepared” this time around, which might shock the average person who knows me because, well, I’m kind of a HUGE planner.
 
How was I not prepared last time around? To be honest, I am a firm believer that you can’t really ever be “fully prepared.” Last time, while I had the housework done, the maternity leave figured out, the baby prep classes & book complete, etc., I did not expect the sheer exhaustion both physically and emotionally.
 
Ethan had a hard time figuring out how to eat and developed jaundice within his first few weeks of life, sending my husband and I on a very crazy cycle. One day I tracked how much time I spent feeding him, 16 HOURS… that means the other 8 hours that I had was spent changing diapers, getting to eat, sleeping, doctor appointments, grocery runs, etc. There was a very real point where in one of our many doctor appointments in the first few months, I looked over at Mark and realized he had a good size hole in the side of his shirt… we both had a huge laugh. I also definitely poured coffee creamer into my applesauce one morning instead of my coffee – oops!
 
It was hard when people kept saying to sleep when the baby would sleep, because in those moments, I would actually have energy and enjoy a quiet moment to myself or with Mark. I’d try to sleep, but didn’t always feel like I “deserved” it and that I was strong enough to push through it.
 
This was not the case. Wanting to stay up after Ethan would go to bed to hang out with my hubby caused us to more sit next to each other in zombie mode watching a TV show then having quality time together. Skipping naps for myself to work on dinner prep or housework was great, but then I’d have no energy for the night shift. It really was a crazy cycle physically that spun into a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I wanted to be reassured that we were okay and we were strong enough to get through this, but I didn’t do the greatest on articulating my fears or feelings to my hubby. Instead I’d try to draw the reassurance out of him -- i.e. by making statements that I wanted him to immediately refute as untrue. Instead, the poor guy was trying to listen and empathize so he would nod his head -- leaving him thinking that I thought those statements were true which then made me think he truly agreed with what I was saying. Yeah, it was messy.
 
So what have we learned this time around being pregnant? A lot of things, but I’ll organize it into my top three takeaways.
 

1. Rest really is important – whether it’s sleeping in a bit longer, laying down for a short nap, or spending time refreshing myself in God’s Word or journaling, I need it. I’m trying harder to ask for help when needed, which is difficult for me because I’ve grown up feeling like I always have to be strong and independent of help or admitting weakness. One of the biggest areas that I have grown is realizing that Mark can’t fulfill my needs. What? Yep, he can’t, he’s human and let’s be real, I don’t even express all my needs or fully know them. Therefore, I NEED to start my day in God’s Word whether it’s a quick little devo or a drawn out writing my heart to the Lord. I spend my time cleaning listening to encouraging podcasts and/or worship to lift me up & draw strength.
2. My marriage is a priority – It’s not that my marriage hasn’t been a priority, but I can shift it lower than it should be at moments or when I think I’m prioritizing it, it’s really not quality time being invested. As a man, my hubby needs shoulder-to-shoulder time. I do try to work on this quite often. Some of the ways we have this time is going on a walk with our little man or playing some xbox games together – yep, I game ;) I’ve focused so hard on my hubby’s needs that I lost sight of my own need and God graciously revealed it to me last time I hung out with a girlfriend. Sitting on a separate couch from her and sipping on our coffee, I realized I had forgot my need for face-to-face time. I often get annoyed when Mark comes up behind me when I’m talking or isn’t really looking at me, but I hadn’t reached the root cause. When we were pregnant with Ethan, we had the opportunity to go on a week-long cruise, we called it our “babymoon.” After the dinners on the cruise, we’d have fun either going on a walk or playing shuffleboard together then would retreat to our room and head to our balcony, ordering hot cocoa & little treats from room service. We’d sit out there under the stars and viewing the ocean for a few hours, just talking about life and dreaming together – it was FANTASTIC and we both talk about it as a highlight of our trip. So, why did I share this story? Because, we’re working hard on developing the habit of “hot cocoa talks” in our marriage now. We sit on opposite couches so we can face-to-face and talk about life while we sip on hot cocoa. When it gets warm enough, I look forward to sitting out on our patio, but for now, the fireplace will do J
3. The need for honest relationships – Honest relationships? Yup! With Ethan’s pregnancy, I shared some struggles with some friends but I didn’t regularly share. This time, I’ve worked hard to develop relationships around me where I can be real, raw, and refreshed. With one friend, we try to chat every Wednesday while our kiddos sleep and we do housework, sharing our ups and downs and praying for each other. With two other friends, I try to text regular updates for encouragement/prayer and then get together with them as much as possible (they don’t like nearby), to talk about life. The great thing is that in each of these three friends, my hubby is very much included as he has a strong relationship with all of my friend’s hubbies. He can also share with them and we all know that these are safe places to share – being challenged and encouraged. Being able to admit specifically where we struggle allows us to take the shock out of the struggle and get over it.

 
Growing a family is a huge honor but it isn’t easy. It reminds me of how much I still have to grow as a person, how selfish I can be and… stubborn. It took us a while to settle into a new normal when Ethan came along, but I really wouldn’t change it because it showed us so much. I’m sure with the addition of our second child that we’ll have some big adjustments to make as well but I’m happy to say that at this point, we’ve applied what we’ve learned from the first time to make navigating this pregnancy a lot easier.
 
What’s the takeaway that speaks the greatest to you? 

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